The Mental Framework that Conquered My Social Anxiety

I know the title will not distinguish this piece from the scores of self-help guides littering the web so I will defend it.

Having read and watched many, I have come to believe that self-help guides are typically exploitative of a vulnerable population; they usually offer a generalized solution to self-destructive perspectives that are culminations of years of individual traumas. What these self-help guides offer can only be obtained by processing the unique traumas that formed these perspectives–which a stranger can’t do for someone they know nothing about.

What I am sharing is not that. What I am sharing is a mental framework that has helped me–a single person–deal with social anxiety, a specific problem shared by many. Because this mental framework has helped me, and because I see social anxiety as an individual problem that can be specifically addressed , I am hoping that it can help you as well.

The mental framework that helped me overcome my social anxiety:

Fact: People are more alike than they are different.

What this meant to me:

• If I have negative self-perceptions, it is likely that others have their own negative self-perceptions. (Evidence: pervasiveness of self-help guides suggests such a demographic is large + exists)
  → If I am worried about how others perceive me, then it is likely that the others are worried about how they are percieved.
  → If I have my own problems to worry about, then others likely have their own problems to worry about.
• My thoughts are chaotic;
  evidence: I have caught myself thinking impertinent, random thoughts when I was supposed to be thinking about something specific (like when IN CLASS LECTURES)
• → So, it is likely that others can have random thoughts at any time as well. This means that it is nearly impossible to know what another person is thinking at a given time, and even less possible if that person is a stranger. (I came up with a short mantra to remind myself of this idea during periods of anxiety and I recommend you do the same.)
• — → Given the above, can I justify spending my time thinking(/worrying) about what’s going on in other people’s heads? (hint: NO)

Understanding, remembering, and eventually internalizing the above cured my Social Anxiety.

Please let me know if this guide was helpful. Also don’t hesitate to ask clarifying questions if some of my logic doesn’t make sense to you. I can try to formulate the mental framework that helped me overcome my insecurities as well if anyone is interested.